Tag Archives: corporate

Vacation – All I Ever Wanted

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You know that period when vacation is impending? You know it’s looming just around the corner. But you just can’t seem to get to the corner.   Every work deadline blows up. The “forty-hour a week with a real lunch every day” job suddenly turns into the office nightmare wellness blogs love to attack:

I was at my desk at ten o’clock at night, feeling too full of cheesy fries, when I burst into tears. I decided then to put on my Lululemon pants, eat some kale and meditate my way into a new life.

Joking aside, right before vacation is when you find yourself speaking forcefully in industry acronyms from eight a.m. until eight p.m. For once when you turn away from the family dinner to “check work email,” you actually are doing that – and not scouring for a quick update on the Gwen Stefani pregnancy rumors.

You long for the previous week when you were killing time in the office pantry hearing all about your colleague’s upcoming wedding bouquet, or her dog’s latest vet visit. Why didn’t someone tighten your project deadlines then, so you could have scurried off, escaping the age-old calla lilies v. baby rose debate?

Because the time right before your vacation is when everything else also goes bust. Like your air conditioner, which worked perfectly well until two days before your departure. This means you actually have enough time to get it fixed – even thought if it had just waited until you left, you could have relegated it to an Act of God, and carried on with your daiquiri. But now you must mentally set aside a few thousand dollars of your fun vacation budget, and add a painful phone call to your to-do list, filled with technical jargon of its own – none of which you understand.

And somehow, as a packing procrastination strategy, you decided to open your mail. You find out that you have been the victim of fraud, as Anthony Loran decided to get himself a credit card from your account.  Phone call to “Heather” at a call center in the Philippines anyone?   And your credit card company gives you detailed instructions on how to insist an apathetic police department register your violation as an official crime.  Surely, it’ll be up there with murders. That vacation budget is getting even smaller as you realize you’ll be credit card-less effective immediately.

By the time you get to the airport in the early hours of the morning, you are just grateful to be there. You smile at the TSA staff, and try to crack jokes with the coffee stall barista. How wonderful you didn’t murder your spouse when you disagreed at one in the morning on the luggage to be brought. You think maybe you have finally mastered gratitude and mindfulness. But really, it’s just your two hours of sleep showing.  And that is when you know you’ve turned the corner.  Happy vacay.

 

Socialize This

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Today I was listening to someone talk about socializing a proposal among stakeholders.  “Socialize” is a very popular word in today’s business world.  Along with “ecosystem,” “governance” and the eternal favorite of the past fifteen years, “leverage.”

It led me to “ruminate” on the word’s meaning, beyond the confines of a company conference call.  Rumination beats eating M&Ms in despair.

Socialize implies a group setting.  In the business context, it means getting feelers for how others might react, before using more official ways to address the subject.  It connotes  a cozy conversation between two or more people.  It suggests that engaging with another person (s) first is a great way to accomplish the longer-term objective.

Wonderful.

Just super for a pathological introvert.  Here is the epitome…my team has completed a rather time-consuming annual budgeting process.  I would like to celebrate their accomplishment.  Do I take them out for afternoon frolicking over ice cream, where we chit chat under the sun and watch the boats on the river?  Or, should I run to the bakery near my house, select individual treats based on each team member’s preference, and drop off the goodies in each office with little post-its?  Before business hours, of course.  Yes, the latter does sound more enticing, doesn’t it?  Because it means zero human interaction.

And now back to socializing this proposal.  I will do it.  I will be warm and friendly.  I will ask personal questions to humanize the interaction.  I will be approachable.  And I will do it all over email.

Monday Melancholy

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My heart is racing as soon as I roll my arm over to the nightstand, and pound the phone with my thumb.  Snooze, snooze, snooze, please.  I roll back and close my eyes, while my brain goes from dazed to alert and concerned in seconds.  My chest feels very heavy with an occasional tug every few minutes.  My stomach is chattering loudly.  Another week, same start.  I silently analyze the possible reasons for the discomfort.  Is it last night’s pinot noir, followed by a dark chocolate, gelato laced Napoleon?  Or the dull pain felt since realizing my pets will all pass before me?  Maybe, as the morning talk shows say, the simple lack of sleep has prodded my body into dysfunction.

There isn’t much time for quiet contemplation on a Monday morning, and so I jump out of bed for the morning ablutions.  The sick feeling accompanies me.  It hovers over my hands as I stack papers and shove them into a bag.  It is observant while I open and close the fridge, before ultimately deciding that today needs to be a fasting day of sorts.

Can it be that it is another Monday, and I am still sourcing dull outfits paired with interesting bracelets for a looming staff meeting? That is the most disconcerting thought of all.  I will sit quietly, facing the organizational chart of “committees supervising sub-committees leveraging councils,” and I will take furious notes…about my grocery list.

I grab the requisite house and car keys and rush out of the house, down the steps and into the car. The package in the passenger seat is the one my husband said he needed today; so I awkwardly squeeze back out of the car with the package in one hand and keys in the other.  I am certain I will burst into tears.

I break into a smile instead when I walk up and see my open kitchen door.  My basset labrador (yes, such a thing exists) is standing in the center of the room, tail wagging and face grinning.  My husband is there too – clearly the dog is magical, but not enough to sprout thumbs, or grow four feet taller, and tackle door handles.

Somtimes, a long dog with a fat neck is what takes the edge off.  I turn on the ignition.  Dunkin’ Donuts large French vanilla with cream does not hurt either.  Inner peace comes slowly.

Main Conference Room

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The presenter drones on, and I have admired my nail polish for a full three minutes now.  I am still enthralled by how beautiful the color is.  A charcoal grey base, that had suited my mood perfectly last Friday, is gently blended with a soothing teal undertone.  Almost angry, but truthfully, a little sad.  It is indeed mesmerizing.  But not enough to get me through three hours of sales talk about “targeting consumers at critical touch points in their life stage, maximizing ROI, CPL, and CPA.”  Sigh and double sigh.

I make quick judgments in life.  In business meetings, I evaluate pants and wedding bands primarily in my decision-making.  Pleated pants and gold-tone jewelry mean classic corporate, of the type that wears golf shirts regularly in addition to playing the game. When the guest of honor has the added pluses of thick cuffs on his trousers, a navy jacket paired with a black belt, and a suburban address on the business card, I want to run head-first into the heavy glass door.  I am not a fashionista or a hipster; this blog’s tagline is indeed IRONIC.  I am just a lifelong corporate cog-in-the-wheel who is finally owning up to my truth.

I knew when I was asked to wear a suit to a job that consisted primarily of making photocopies.  I knew when a client sent back her potato chips, so I could ask the executive kitchen to whip up sweet treats instead.  I knew when my company offered me free golf lessons.  I knew when an associate asked to be escorted into the building to avoid the drizzle outside.  “Man up!” I wanted to scream.  Or perhaps asking him to take some boyish delight in the rain would have been even better.

You might wonder if I am battling some anger issues.  Yes, I am.  All the time lately.  I wish I had followed my heart.  Instead, I succumbed to my perfectionist tendency to try to do everything moderately well; and I misled my bosses (and myself) along the way about what I would actually enjoy doing.  I can manage people – because I work really hard at it.  But it doesn’t negate my introversion and preference to work alone behind closed doors…in another building.

So, today we put an end to self-sabotage.  Raindrops on roses, and whiskers on kittens…tea and bonnets, here I come.