Yogi Bear

I place my hands flat on the ground, fingertips pointing forward.  There is a slight pull on the back of my legs, but the pain actually feels good.  My hair sweeps the ground slowly, side to side.  I try not to think about the bacteria my split ends are picking up with each gentle swoosh.  For my body is at peace, and my mind is clear of thoughts.  In theory.

We all know the drill.  Oprah knows it.  And of course Gwyneth does.  But how surprised was I to find Colin Farrell and Jeremy Piven were not just kindred partying spirits, but also on the yoga bandwagon?  And apparently, even the McConaissance owes credit to this Eastern practice.

Do I really need celebrity validation about what is now a mainstream trend?  After all, I face an obstacle course every Saturday morning, dodging the ponytails, and the awkwardly protruding mats, as I head to the bakery.  Of course, there are always a few lads and ladies that have the right mat carrier, slung sleekly on their backs, perfectly snug pants ending just below the calf.  I am most impressed when I see the ones who have cute mesh shoes purely for the five-minute walk to the studio and back.  I only feel a little guilt, as I trudge on towards my blueberry muffin, adjusting my suddenly tight-fitting shirt.

But I don’t even need to leave my house for reminders of the craze that has taken over cool and uncool kids alike.  Someone has dropped off a postcard for doggie yoga on my doorstep.  Dogs and owners look happy lying together on the wooden floor.  When I turn to stare at my own canine redhead – currently curled on the sofa cushions, belly full of salmon biscuits, lavender scent still lingering from his last bath, relaxed before I drive him into the woods for a walk – I am certain he is already quite blissful.  The promise of a sun salutation is unlikely to lure him off the couch.

So, I meekly explore this new hobby, once a week, sometimes twice.  My bare feet feel the ground, my palms join together, and I silently clear my mind of everything.  Except the running route I will take the next day.   Yoga is a practice, after all.

Blessings, Grandmother.

Step aside, Fraulein Maria.  Brown paper packages tied up with string are excellent, but there are other things that take the cake.  Including, well, cake.  My list of favorite things also includes feelings, events, political treatises, and it can change with a turn of the wind.  In light of the holiday season kickoff, here is what’s currently on offer:

A freshly cleaned litter box, and the cat’s agreement to finally use it…two days later.

A Korean market with a plethora of guavas and cactus pear – even if I first had to get fully naked in the baths next door, with my friends, to discover it.

Friends who remain your friends, even after you have been fully naked together at Korean baths.

Sniffing my t-shirt collar multiple times, with the joyful discovery the rancid smell during Boot Camp is someone else.

Remembering to eat potato chips out of a bowl, not mindlessly reaching into a bag, and then foolishly setting the bag next to the bowl.

Stopping the living room scuffle between the pets before the cat ate the dog.

My new lip liner!  And yes, it leaves me looking exactly as I did before I put it on.

Thanksgiving dinners that allow dogs, even when one of them christens the brand-new kitchen with some pee.

The jewel box keepsakes given to each of us on her eightieth birthday, with her simple handwritten wish: “Blessings, Grandmother.”

The knowledge that I may not live until eighty, but I will have enjoyed a lot of pie.

Halloween is here

It is a beautiful fall morning.  Even through the frosted glass panes on the door I can see a leaf or two landing gently onto the back deck.  My orange and yellow walking shoes are laced tightly, and my jeans are cuffed just so to avoid skirting the ground. I have been ready to go for some time.

But for the past four and a half minutes, I’ve been sitting cross-legged on the kitchen tiles, leash wrapped around my thumb, pondering the great outdoors, from indoors.  At the end of the leash is a redhead who rolls onto his back and cavorts for a few seconds on the floor.  He suddenly rises, shakes the dust off, and plants a nice wet one on my cheek.  He’s quite the scamp, now that he knows he has won the battle: no venturing outside today.

For outside, there are leaves.  And they come in big waves sometimes, one after the other, landing in front of you, behind you, and occasionally on your shoulder. Cheeky little things!  And then there are flags. The kind that stand on front porches and in front of French cafés, and are sometimes just a little too big.  But the real terror is on a windy day, when they decide to start fluttering angrily and swish so loudly.   Why won’t someone put these things away in a box in the attic?

But what one should really dread are the bus people, in their honking metal boxes that grunt at every step, winding slowly down the road in their enormity.  That awful squawk when the boxes come to a stop.  Then crowds of humans rushing out, and just as many rushing in.  No one stops or slows down, to create space on the sidewalk for a four-legged redhead who sits close to the ground.

Sometimes the bus people make their way to our own house.  And they talk to each other, and move about, and oh, there are so many of them.  And the more the redhead tries to get away, the more they seem to want to pet his head.  But they do have cheese in their hands, so it’s a slight dilemma whether to stay or to go.

The redhead looks into my eyes; he knows the leaves and flags don’t cause me anxiety.  He snuggles up to my neck in a soothing gesture.  But bus people can be scary for anyone.

Chasing My Tail

I walk into the room, and fix my gaze on you.

Heart bursting with joy, I’m no longer blue.

My short and sweet Power Point for today,

Now requested as a Word novel – no delay!

The most ridiculous lag of the Metro train,

Or the bakery being sold out of seven grain,

Thoughts of a friendship I cannot mend,

Once in your sight, all fretting meets an end.

You lie there purring, green eyes of calm.

The look of holding the world in your palm.

I gently step forward, my smile in full bloom.

You rise and race to the other edge of the room.

For you know very well how to dictate the rules.

Yet, I sit and await your affection like a fool.

Until that distant hour, when you are suddenly tender,

I’ll cuddle with the dog, and we’ll watch EastEnders.