Tony Barrera

I’ve been thinking recently about the aura of my home. Sometimes it feels warm and cozy, and other times as if a hurricane of Bed, Bath & Beyond coupons and running shoes has ravaged it.  There are days when clutter or not, it is just very quiet. I love the stillness when the television is off, the kettle has piped down, sports radio is muted, and we are all settled in our respective spots for the afternoon. The sun streams in through the windowpanes onto the back of the sofa, its rays gently caressing pudgy cat asleep on the radiator. A few feet away, light snoring rises from the ground as the redhead basset dreams of juicy steaks and wide grassy fields.

Así me gusta a mí. That was the name of a fantastic dance song from my youth (also featured in Penélope Cruz’s breakout film “Jamón, Jamón”). And well, that is how I like it – peaceful, low murmurs, gentle gradual movements. Now when the house and its members are actively engaged in the business of living, I am easily ruffled: treadmill spinning, doors opening, hurried footsteps up and down wooden stairs, greedy lapping of water from bowls, shower jets roaring, and so much more.

But the rare occasions when the house and I can carve out our time to just be, are when I am at my best. I like to slip into a satin kimono robe to really get the ambience going. I sit in a grey armchair, taking the time to place its matching ottoman in front of me for my tired legs. A cup of warm cucumber white tea is waiting on one side of me, and a tall glass of lemony water on the other; that is how you erase the memory of the chocolate chocolate chip muffin and three coffees from the morning. I hear the floorboards creak every so often. And not much else.

Now that dance song from my youth was truthfully about drugs. And big electronic dance music parties (before they were called that) in rundown warehouses, or on neglected expanses of beaches, or in open fields at the edges of towns around the world. And all of that me gusta. Mucho. I often feel my truest self when I am surrounded by that loud bass thumping. Minus the drugs of course, heaven forbid.

And so it is the house and I agree that some afternoons are for silent rejoicing, where we remain observant, gleefully setting aside most external stimulants, and just keeping our mouths shut for a few hours.   And other afternoons, heading into early evenings, should throb with a little drum and bass, the pitter patter of animal children demanding dinner, and the clinking sounds of someone fixing a cocktail. Así me gusta a mí. Also.

New Era

Hi and hello. Apologies for the hiatus. Let’s pretend I planned everything perfectly to coincide with the start of a brand new shiny year.  “I needed the time off to prioritize what really mattered.” Sound good?  Or should I fess up that my body finally gave out after years of trying to keep up with my constant to-do lists?

I ended up facing a little shoulder surgery followed by a lot of down time.  And naturally, I was going to use said time to initiate various neglected projects. I would rub castor oil into my eyebrow’s bald spot twice a day without fail – and friends would surely fall over in shock at the resulting electrifying transformation. I would practice walking in my ludicrously high heels, so I could wear them somewhere other than my hallway. I would read up and try to understand our election outcome, without judgment or rancor against those who made a different choice than mine.

Post-operation and once the pain medication supply ended, my brain came to a new type of awareness.  Who knew paperback books could be so heavy? And when did pudgy cat get so, well, pudgy? And can’t we just stick our faces into bowls of food, instead of having to use our hands and utensils? Why do bras even exist, much less have to be fastened? And why won’t someone just give me more drugs?

I couldn’t find easy answers to any of these questions.  I simply trudged along every day, making very little progress, and being rather impatient.  Suffice it to say, my eyebrows never saw a drop of oil, or even a mirror during those months.  The sofa and I, on the other hand, became bosom buddies.  Sigh.  But it turned out to be a very exciting day when I was able to pull a shirt over my head, all by myself.  As well as the moment when I reached and scratched my back with a back brush.  Small humbling wins.  I hoped I would keep appreciating these basics, and also learn my limits.

Unfortunately, I didn’t get to meet and better understand anyone who held opposite political views; but I had spent a good bit of time being entitled, bitter, and eager for change.  And maybe that was sort of the same thing.