I have always been a creature of habit.  I like things the same way, all the time.  White bread with butter and strawberry jam is the same breakfast I have loved since the age of three.   As an adult, after years of resistance, I finally caved and bought a Filofax, only to find streets full of Palm Pilots.  And I still long for the days when Manchester, England, ruled the clubbing scene.  You are probably racking your brain trying to remember when that was – and I urge you to stop, simply because it was a REALLY long time ago.

Nevertheless, when an iPhone showed up miraculously in my hand, I fell in love recklessly.  I tossed out all loyalty to the trusty Filofax, to the once ingenious MP3 player that had turned me into a runner, and to my adored Swatch which had left a permanent love line on my wrist.  The phone was an awakening of sorts that led me to consider that I might transform in other ways. Perhaps I could one day be carefree, adventurous, fond of sports, and ready for orange marmalade.  This step led to the birth of other cohorts, namely l’il MacBook and ole iPad; but iPhone and I were always inseparable.

It is now nearly a decade later, and I am mulling over my relationship with technology.  As a victim of severe clutter phobia, it is gratifying to know my life is contained in one device.  Nothing of importance is on the countertops, or tacked on the wall, or in the nether regions of my purse with last year’s gum.  However, my neurotic nature means there is always something to research, confirm, respond to, and get ahead of.  It has been far too easy to review my meeting schedule, text on the current Jen-Ben marriage status, and check on the dog’s GPS location, while he naps two feet from me – all while “relaxing” and reading the newspaper on my screen.

Years of this, and I am worn out.  There must be another way.  Something less complicated.  Something that isn’t constantly nagging me with notifications of what I have forgotten to do.  Or flashing regular reminders comparing me with other, better users who delight in using technology to its full potential.  And who said this iPhone is so perfect anyway?  It certainly doesn’t look as good as when we first met.  And the ringer never functions properly, but have I ever complained?

I’ll admit, I have started leaving it at home when I walk to buy coffee.  And it has felt good.  Sometimes I even turn it off completely. Then I feel guilty, and turn it back on when I remember how much of my life is held in it.  I don’t know exactly what I am doing.  It’s a dangerous path I am starting on, I know.  But at this age, I owe it to myself to see where it will take me.